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"I don't get a lot of paparazzi, that's the thing," he fessed up last week, talking on a cell phone somewhere in Hollywood as he scoured the streets looking for photographers lurking about.

He was visiting glitter city for the premiere of his first-ever movie, "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector." But he would have you believe his visit was more sinister.

"I'm coming back to see my parole officer on some speeding tickets," he said, in that familiar Southern slur. As soon as he was finished with the courts, he said, he planned to "hit some paparazzi with some rocks."

That's when he confessed he's not a target of celebrity-hunting photographers.

Does he think this movie will up his paparazzi currency?

"Probably not," he said. "I don't think they're going to want to hang out where I live. They'll get shot by the neighbor who'll think it's a North Viet Cong guy coming at him. He's the one that flies the Confederate flag in the front yard."

The photographers may keep their distance, but Larry — who ditched his birth name, Dan Whitney, when he became a phone-in guest on a Florida radio show — hopes fans flock by the dozens to see his movie; run from the theater and buy his year-old CD, "The Right to Bare Arms"; and rush home to read his book, "Git-R-Done."

"I had a blast writing that book. I actually wanted people to get two copies so they could put one under their couch to make it sit level," he said.

In his Hollywood street interview, Larry talked about his movie, his comedy and his pending fatherhood.

What's the movie about?

"I play a health inspector, and someone's poisoning restaurants and they're having a big top chef tournament. Everybody keeps getting eliminated because their food's poisoned.

"I'm kind of like the Julia Child-Clint Eastwoodmixed. I go in and, of course, I get thrown off the case like any good detective. And I wiggle my way back into the case, solve the crime, get the girl. Everybody's happy and the whole thing. I'm real happy with it. I wanted to make sure any movie I did reflected my stand-up act."

In the years since you did the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, you've gone from playing small theaters to selling out 20,000-seat arenas. That must feel good.

"It's been great. I'm very thankful. I just have awesome fans. . . . They tell friends, and they tell friends. I'm kinda like Amway. I'm the funny Amway."

Did you ever imagine it'd be this way?

"I just wanted to have a good career, make some money. I had no idea all this would be happenin'. So everything on top of the stand-up is all gravy. I'm just excited. I'm just speechless."

Do you have an regrets?

"I wanted to dance. I wanted to be a dancer. 'Riverdance.' I've always been into Michael Flatley. I have all his posters up at the house. But it just never panned out. That's a disappointment there."

So would you like to do another movie?

"I'd like to do a porno movie. That's what I'm gonna venture into. I've written a script: 'Herbie's Full-Blown Contagious,' a takeoff of 'Herbie Fully Loaded.' We're casting that as we speak."

Is it true you got married?

"Yeah, I got married. She's awesome. She looks just like Travis Tritt, my favorite country singer. So it's a turn-on every time I see her."

You're expecting a child?

"On Aug. 4. Jesus might be coming out of the clouds any day now."

So what's next?

"I want to get a couple of these cysts cut out of me. A boil to lance. Other than that it's back to stand-up."

Larry the Cable Guy performs at 9 p.m. April 7 on the West stage.