In 1992, a Baptist pastor named Gary Chapman published a book titled āThe 5 Love Languages,ā about how to categorize different ways we express and receive love. You might know or have heard of Chapmanās theory of the five languages, because theyāve become a kind of cultural touchstone in the subsequent years since the book came out: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Chapmanās theory goes that if we can communicate in each otherās languages, we can strengthen our relationships and find fulfillment.
Now, Beverly Hills-based workplace consultant and author Minda Harts has an updated and timely spin on this old idea.
In āTalk to Me Nice: The Seven Trust Languages for a Better Workplace,ā Harts lays out how a lack of trust among colleagues, managers and executive leaders is not only bad for business and professional development, but also bad for our emotional well-being. How to build trust among people? Thatās where Hartās own theory of seven workplace trust languages comes into play. She says that just like falling ā and staying ā in love, earning trust is different for everyone. By understanding the seven languages of trust ā transparency, security, demonstration, feedback, acknowledgment, sensitivity, and follow-through ā people can start to better navigate conflict, be more productive and communicate more effectively.
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Whatās more, she asserts that by understanding one anotherās languages, we build an environment of trust that in turn creates a more equitable, sustainable and profitable workplace that benefits everyone.
Harts has worked with corporations like Nike, Google, Best Buy and JPMorgan Chase to redefine leadership and workplace culture. LinkedIn has recognized her as the #1 Top Voice in the Workplace and by Business Insider as one of the top 100 People Transforming Business. Her previous books include āThe Memo,ā āRight Withinā and āYou Are More Than Magic.ā
āāTalk to Me Niceā isnāt just a book; itās a conversation we all need to have,ā Harts told me in a recent email exchange. āWork doesnāt have to be a place of tension. When we learn to speak each otherās trust languages, we create space for people to feel seen, safe and heard. Thatās the future of work, and the future of community, too.ā
Q: When did you know you had to write āTalk to Me Niceā?
I think I realized the moment that workplace problems werenāt just about productivity or performance, but about broken trust. I kept hearing people say, āItās not what was said, itās how it was said.ā That stuck with me. So much of the stress we feel at work and, honestly, in life, comes down to how weāre communicating, or not communicating at all. I wanted to offer a new way forward.
Q: It feels to me like social media and public discourse in general have become ruder, and that influences our communication styles. Do you think thatās true?
Yes, absolutely. The way we speak to each other online has bled into how we speak to each other everywhere. Thereās a performative edge now ā people talk at each other instead of with each other. Weāve gotten so used to reacting quickly that weāve lost patience, nuance and empathy. And that spills over into our workplaces, our friendships, our families.
Q: What do we lose when we donāt communicate nicely with each other?
We lose trust. We lose connection. And we miss out on real collaboration. āNiceā isnāt about being soft! Itās about being intentional and respectful. When thatās missing, people shut down. They hold back. They donāt feel safe to be honest, and everything suffers: team morale, creativity, even performance. Itās not just a vibe shift; itās a business issue.
Q: In your new book, you write about the seven workplace trust languages: Sensitivity, transparency, security, demonstration, feedback, acknowledgment, and follow-through. You put sensitivity first. What does that mean to you?
Sensitivity is really about being emotionally aware. Itās the opposite of walking into a room and ignoring the temperature. It means paying attention to how your words land, being mindful of their impact. You can have the best intentions in the world, but if your delivery shuts someone down or dismisses their experience, it creates distance. Sensitivity builds a bridge; it says, I see you. I respect you enough to think and act before I speak.
Q: You say the old ways of communicating are no longer working for everyone. Can you talk more about that?
For so long, communication at work was built around hierarchy and power. One person talks, everyone else listens. Or worse, people pretend to, but donāt feel safe enough to say what they think. That doesnāt work anymore. People want transparency, not top-down directives. They want to be acknowledged, not just for assignments. Weāre in a new era, and if we donāt evolve our communication methods, weāll lose talent, trust and momentum.
Q: Trust, and restoring it, is the central theme of your new book. You are aiming at business professionals, but it seems like a lot of these concepts translate to many aspects of current lifeā¦
Yes! We apply trust to our romantic and platonic relationships, but we rarely apply relationship skills at work. Studies show that we will spend 90,000 hours of our lives at work, and building and maintaining trust should matter there too. The seven trust languages are rooted in human behavior. Theyāre about listening, following through, and creating a safe environment. Whether itās your team, your partner or your teenager, it all comes down to how we show up in our communication. Trust is the thread that runs through everything.
Q: If people make only one change and how they communicate, what would you suggest it to be?
Pause before you respond. That one small moment can change everything. It gives you time to consider tone, intention and impact. In that pause, you can choose trust over ego. Itās simple, but powerful.
